“I can’t” vs. “I don’t want to!”

Posted on 30. Aug, 2010 by Keith Scott in Blog, Motivation

I think honesty is important. I am a pretty honest guy and more so, very blunt. When you mix the two, you get the brutal truth. Some people appreciate that and others just don’t like it. It doesn’t bother me either way.

I think it is important for people to be honest and blunt with themselves.

When I hear, “I can’t…” I usually don’t believe it for one second. “I can’t workout today because…” “I can’ train this month because…” That is when I stop listening in most cases, because the rest of it doesn’t matter. The truth is, “I can’t” needs to be replaced with “I don’t want to!” I would appreciate that more because it is the truth. Now, I know some people will start thinking that I have no idea what is going on in someone’s personal life to make such a claim. And yes, I will admit, sometimes there are real reasons why someone can’t. However, based on my 20 years of experience working with people, I have realized and learned more times than not, that it is usually not a “can’t” but rather “I just don’t want to…” The difference is just the ability to admit it to yourself.

Why is this important? So what if a person lies to themselves. If they don’t want to or really can’t it doesn’t matter does it?

I think it does. If you are constantly telling yourself (and others outside of yourself) that you “can’t” when the case is really that you just don’t want to, other than the fact that you are lying to yourself, sets you up for constant motivational issues and more so, failure. Let me explain.

When you tell yourself that you can’t, you automatically take away choice. Can’t means you just cannot, no matter what. Small word, big consequences. When you realize that you just don’t feel like it, or do not want to, you still have choice, and when you have choice things are much easier to change. It is simpler to make a different choice, and get to your training session, for example, than it would be if you told yourself that you just “can’t!” Make sense? Too many people constantly lie to themselves and keep up the “can’ts” and that is very limiting.

The next time you hear yourself saying “I can’t” think about that for a minute and ask yourself if it is a “can’t” or a “just don’t want to…” If it is a ‘don’t want to’ then you can still choose another path…you have options and options are always necessary when trying to reach goals. Nothing will ever be conquered unless you can change your options. If you don’t have any, there can be no change.

When the mind hears “I can’t” all doors are closed, from that time onward. Options are gone and you won’t get anywhere. When the mind hears “I don’t want to,” than there is an option to change your mind, or find another way to motivate yourself. Think about your situation, where you are and where you want to be…think about how many times you skip workouts, quit during a workout, or mess up your diet because of “I can’t.” Start replacing “I can’t” with “I don’t want to….but I will find another way to figure it out, or make myself do it anyway.”

The next step is learning to say “I can and I will!”